Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
The Christmas Letter, A Parody
Am I the only one who gets ridiculous Christmas letters from the we-have-it-all-together families?
Happy Holidays One and All!
We have had such a busy year full of fun and travel! Naturally, our children are at the top of their class, career, pay grade and their game. In short, they are marvelous human beings without fault or blemish.
We haven't had to bring out the winter coats yet as we live in the sub-tropics because we hate cold weather and will never live in it again. No, we don't miss the change of seasons and haven't for over 20 years. We refuse to shovel snow or rake leaves. My handyman (a.k.a. Steve) prefers paddle boarding, hanging out with me at the beach, using the pool and watching sports on the weekends.
As this year comes to a close, I have taken time to reflect on what an eventful year this has been for me! I have taken several trips to some fabulous destinations like the emergency room, the hospital outpatient services center and the neurology department at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine! We have recently achieved VIP status at Boca Raton Regional Hospital, where we have been awarded our very own parking space! Steve usually gets to accompany me to their newly remodeled E.R., but one time my friend, Suzanne, got to come! She told me she had a terrific time! The nurses are very hospitable and my doctor always allows me to stay awhile in one of their 'specially upgraded' rooms. You should see this place. You don't know what you're missing!
Ah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the 126 physical therapy sessions, 56 mental/spiritual therapy sessions, 16 visits to my neurologists in Miami & Boca, 6 trips to my nephrologist, 4 visits to my cardiologist, 3 appointments with my rheumatologist, 4 consultations with my new gastroenterologist, 2 turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tree! You can see how well-traveled I have become. It takes my breath away thinking of all the excitement!
As if that weren't enough merriment for one year, there have been numerous bouts of paralysis, weakness, depression, migraines and hyponatremia. Since I'm now a regular at Quest Diagnostics, I am automatically enrolled in their rewards program and am looking forward to earning enough points to get myself something really special.....Maybe a new medical bracelet!
I think my most special memory of 2013, were the numerous tests and procedures I was able to participate in by some highly sophisticated pieces of equipment with some very talented people. These experiences have stayed with me and always will. I enjoyed the MRIs, CT scans, endoscopies, EMGs, NCSs and my personal favorite, the lumbar puncture. How many people get to have such a variety of unique adventures in one calendar year?!
Now, I am not one to boast, but I'm pretty sure you can see how exceptional my year has been. As I reflect back, I can't help basking in all of these and many more highlights from a memorable 2013. Can't wait to check in with you next year...
Cheers!
Here's to 2014
xo Ann
Whew! I'm glad that's over. I'm not a fan of ugly, dripping sarcasm or complaining. It's just that I'm a BIG fan of keeping it real. And I am most grateful for the friends in my inner circle that allow me to do that; to be down and dirty with them. The Christmas letter writers send me what they want me to think about their lives. That's fine. Most folks aren't ready for bare bones transparency. And you know what? I still love them, even if I just shake my head and laugh when I get the annual Christmas letter.
Happy Holidays One and All!
We have had such a busy year full of fun and travel! Naturally, our children are at the top of their class, career, pay grade and their game. In short, they are marvelous human beings without fault or blemish.
We haven't had to bring out the winter coats yet as we live in the sub-tropics because we hate cold weather and will never live in it again. No, we don't miss the change of seasons and haven't for over 20 years. We refuse to shovel snow or rake leaves. My handyman (a.k.a. Steve) prefers paddle boarding, hanging out with me at the beach, using the pool and watching sports on the weekends.
As this year comes to a close, I have taken time to reflect on what an eventful year this has been for me! I have taken several trips to some fabulous destinations like the emergency room, the hospital outpatient services center and the neurology department at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine! We have recently achieved VIP status at Boca Raton Regional Hospital, where we have been awarded our very own parking space! Steve usually gets to accompany me to their newly remodeled E.R., but one time my friend, Suzanne, got to come! She told me she had a terrific time! The nurses are very hospitable and my doctor always allows me to stay awhile in one of their 'specially upgraded' rooms. You should see this place. You don't know what you're missing!
Ah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the 126 physical therapy sessions, 56 mental/spiritual therapy sessions, 16 visits to my neurologists in Miami & Boca, 6 trips to my nephrologist, 4 visits to my cardiologist, 3 appointments with my rheumatologist, 4 consultations with my new gastroenterologist, 2 turtledoves and a partridge in a pear tree! You can see how well-traveled I have become. It takes my breath away thinking of all the excitement!
As if that weren't enough merriment for one year, there have been numerous bouts of paralysis, weakness, depression, migraines and hyponatremia. Since I'm now a regular at Quest Diagnostics, I am automatically enrolled in their rewards program and am looking forward to earning enough points to get myself something really special.....Maybe a new medical bracelet!
I think my most special memory of 2013, were the numerous tests and procedures I was able to participate in by some highly sophisticated pieces of equipment with some very talented people. These experiences have stayed with me and always will. I enjoyed the MRIs, CT scans, endoscopies, EMGs, NCSs and my personal favorite, the lumbar puncture. How many people get to have such a variety of unique adventures in one calendar year?!
Now, I am not one to boast, but I'm pretty sure you can see how exceptional my year has been. As I reflect back, I can't help basking in all of these and many more highlights from a memorable 2013. Can't wait to check in with you next year...
Cheers!
Here's to 2014
xo Ann
Whew! I'm glad that's over. I'm not a fan of ugly, dripping sarcasm or complaining. It's just that I'm a BIG fan of keeping it real. And I am most grateful for the friends in my inner circle that allow me to do that; to be down and dirty with them. The Christmas letter writers send me what they want me to think about their lives. That's fine. Most folks aren't ready for bare bones transparency. And you know what? I still love them, even if I just shake my head and laugh when I get the annual Christmas letter.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
6 Thoughts About the Lady at the Mall
Today I'm sharing an article with you that I posted earlier about one of my first solo ventures to the mall with my chair... Thanks for reading!
Sooooooo, today is the first post about life from my new perspective: SITTING DOWN! Haha! There are so many things to say, I sometimes feel overwhelmed, but I will attempt to keep this blog concise and humorous, if at all possible.
See, one of the first things I need to point out is that there are lots of things worse in life than having to use a wheelchair. It has taken me awhile to say that, but it's true and that's why I will try to bring humor to these wheelchair anecdotes I share with you.
I have to tell you about an experience I had at the mall on Monday. I thought I'd get a little Christmas shopping in since I am able to venture out alone with my chair now. (Big deal, btw!) As I rolled up to my usual entrance at Nordstrom, I gave a small tug on the accessible door so it would trigger the automatic opening function. All of a sudden, a boisterous, intrusive woman, who was also entering the store, yelled, "You have to push the blue button on the wall!!" Ah, too bad I didn't understand how this whole accessibility thing works. (Sorry for being a smart aleck)
After all, she is the able-bodied one and I'm just the one using the wheelchair. (Truth is, that blue button rarely works, so I don't waste my energy rolling over there to push it) As I was explaining that to her, and the door was opening, she came at me, crawling over my chair, shouting, "Let me get it! Let me get it! I'll get it for you!" Now, don't misunderstand, I appreciate people genuinely expressing a desire to help, if I NEED it! But this doesn't really fall under that heading.
So, what can I say to you about this then?
1) ASK if a wheelchair user would like your assistance
2) do not approach a wheeler very closely; speak from a respectable distance so you don't overwhelm
and frighten her
3) this woman acted as if I had lost the ability to think at the same time I lost the ability to use my muscles, assuming I didn't even know about the blue button on the wall!
4) she was yelling at me as if I were also deaf
5) she really scared me when she came at me, trying to open an already opening door--again, not helpful
6) please, DON'T ever approach a wheeler from behind; announce yourself, visibly, well
before you are close to that person.
(One time the male valet at this same Nordstrom store followed me to my car~unbeknownst to me~in the parking garage and asked if he could help me, from behind my wheelchair. I nearly jumped out of that chair from fright!)
It just takes a little thought. Don't be afraid of us or freaked-out by us. Did this lady mean well? Most people do. Did she create a commotion going about 'helping' me? Most definitely. I was polite to her and I smiled to myself and kept on going, determined to finish my mission. Remember, I am just a real person, like you, rolling through life instead of walking, the way I used to do. xx
Sooooooo, today is the first post about life from my new perspective: SITTING DOWN! Haha! There are so many things to say, I sometimes feel overwhelmed, but I will attempt to keep this blog concise and humorous, if at all possible.
See, one of the first things I need to point out is that there are lots of things worse in life than having to use a wheelchair. It has taken me awhile to say that, but it's true and that's why I will try to bring humor to these wheelchair anecdotes I share with you.
I have to tell you about an experience I had at the mall on Monday. I thought I'd get a little Christmas shopping in since I am able to venture out alone with my chair now. (Big deal, btw!) As I rolled up to my usual entrance at Nordstrom, I gave a small tug on the accessible door so it would trigger the automatic opening function. All of a sudden, a boisterous, intrusive woman, who was also entering the store, yelled, "You have to push the blue button on the wall!!" Ah, too bad I didn't understand how this whole accessibility thing works. (Sorry for being a smart aleck)
After all, she is the able-bodied one and I'm just the one using the wheelchair. (Truth is, that blue button rarely works, so I don't waste my energy rolling over there to push it) As I was explaining that to her, and the door was opening, she came at me, crawling over my chair, shouting, "Let me get it! Let me get it! I'll get it for you!" Now, don't misunderstand, I appreciate people genuinely expressing a desire to help, if I NEED it! But this doesn't really fall under that heading.
So, what can I say to you about this then?
1) ASK if a wheelchair user would like your assistance
2) do not approach a wheeler very closely; speak from a respectable distance so you don't overwhelm
and frighten her
3) this woman acted as if I had lost the ability to think at the same time I lost the ability to use my muscles, assuming I didn't even know about the blue button on the wall!
4) she was yelling at me as if I were also deaf
5) she really scared me when she came at me, trying to open an already opening door--again, not helpful
6) please, DON'T ever approach a wheeler from behind; announce yourself, visibly, well
before you are close to that person.
(One time the male valet at this same Nordstrom store followed me to my car~unbeknownst to me~in the parking garage and asked if he could help me, from behind my wheelchair. I nearly jumped out of that chair from fright!)
It just takes a little thought. Don't be afraid of us or freaked-out by us. Did this lady mean well? Most people do. Did she create a commotion going about 'helping' me? Most definitely. I was polite to her and I smiled to myself and kept on going, determined to finish my mission. Remember, I am just a real person, like you, rolling through life instead of walking, the way I used to do. xx
Monday, September 16, 2013
Further Still
my notes from the Beth Moore study "David"
Here are some key elements to knowing God has called you to go "further still:"
1) when you are overwhelmed with sorrow & surrounded by grief; perilypos-grieved all around; intensely sad; there's no escaping it (Being able to be distracted would be a relief & blessing, but you can't be distracted from it) The grief even shows up in your dreams. "How did you survive it?" "I don't know, I didn't mean to."
2) when you desperately need to wrestle with the will of God; like when Christ, being filled with dread, wanted the cup to pass Him by, but then resolved to saying, "Thy will be done." You find yourself wrestling, begging for relief, wanting it to stop, feeling detached from God
3) when nobody else gets it; you can't even put into words what you're experiencing, but if you could, no one would understand anyway; there's a tendency to blame others for not comforting us, praying with us or encouraging us (Sounds familiar to me!)
4) when the most serious matters of your life need settling; Jesus settled the matter of the cross alone, with His Father; don't allow yourself to go to the place where you think God no longer sees you or that He may even hate you (I was convinced for awhile I had offended Him so grievously, He had turned away from me & was now punishing me)
5) when you know your life can't be the same, but your pain can bring gain; this has something to do with the ultimate purpose of my life. Aside: I sometimes wonder if I know how to recover. I still wonder if I can really trust God. It's better but I'm still not there. I'm praying that God will restore me in His time and in His way.
To say I wanted to be "as close as is humanly possible, this side of heaven, to God, comes with a price to pay. I just didn't know it when I continually uttered those words to Him. And I certainly didn't know it would be this painful and traumatic. I guess that's what He's working out in me. But I don't know for sure.
1) when you are overwhelmed with sorrow & surrounded by grief; perilypos-grieved all around; intensely sad; there's no escaping it (Being able to be distracted would be a relief & blessing, but you can't be distracted from it) The grief even shows up in your dreams. "How did you survive it?" "I don't know, I didn't mean to."
2) when you desperately need to wrestle with the will of God; like when Christ, being filled with dread, wanted the cup to pass Him by, but then resolved to saying, "Thy will be done." You find yourself wrestling, begging for relief, wanting it to stop, feeling detached from God
3) when nobody else gets it; you can't even put into words what you're experiencing, but if you could, no one would understand anyway; there's a tendency to blame others for not comforting us, praying with us or encouraging us (Sounds familiar to me!)
4) when the most serious matters of your life need settling; Jesus settled the matter of the cross alone, with His Father; don't allow yourself to go to the place where you think God no longer sees you or that He may even hate you (I was convinced for awhile I had offended Him so grievously, He had turned away from me & was now punishing me)
5) when you know your life can't be the same, but your pain can bring gain; this has something to do with the ultimate purpose of my life. Aside: I sometimes wonder if I know how to recover. I still wonder if I can really trust God. It's better but I'm still not there. I'm praying that God will restore me in His time and in His way.
To say I wanted to be "as close as is humanly possible, this side of heaven, to God, comes with a price to pay. I just didn't know it when I continually uttered those words to Him. And I certainly didn't know it would be this painful and traumatic. I guess that's what He's working out in me. But I don't know for sure.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Forsaken by God?
"Forsaken by God"
Eloi, Eloi! Aramaic-"My strong God, My strong God, why have You abandoned, forsaken, stopped talking to Me?"
King David-Ps. 22:1, Note Ps. 23 when David declares that the LORD is his shepherd! Ps. 10:1, Ps. 44:24-26 David often felt depressed & abandoned by God. He was a devout believer in God, clung to Him & was loyal to Him, but vented regularly his feelings to God.
Job-a "righteous man," railed against God (felt abandoned by Him) but those were not His last words! "I know that my Redeemer lives!"
Jesus clung to God w/both hands, crying out to the heavens, shouting His despair. My God, My God, with both hands grabbing God, asking Where are You??! Why aren't you here??
We are to cling to God in the same way during our darkest days.
When you are hurting the most, cry out to God with the feelings deepest in your heart. Jesus did. David did. Job did too.
Often when tragedy strikes, we feel a silent abandonment by God. It's ok to feel that way. David did. Jesus did. Job did.
Monday, August 12, 2013
I Did It
Today I ventured out to a doctors appointment for the first time alone with my wheel chair. It was a successful trip. I'm so grateful for this new sense of freedom and independence. All thanks to my new van with the automatic doors and huge capacity to carry my walker and my wheel chair! I chose the Honda Odyssey and it rocks! I love that van! I feel so blessed.
It took a lot to get to this point but it's worth it now. I can go wherever I want. Without fear.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Onward
Has anything so dramatic ever happened to you that it sent your head spinning and your emotions swirling around your ankles lower & lower? At first you think it's not real and if you just wait it out, you'll eventually go back to life as it was before. But life could not possibly return to what it was before.
All I've done is look back. "I want my life back." I only know how to do it that way. My life made sense then. I have to get back there! I need to get back there! I know I'll get back to 'normal' soon, but how soon!?! Come to think of it, I've been a wreck. "It's too much, it's too much. I can't handle this." I've been completely overwhelmed. I don't know how or why I've survived. I cried all the time. I wanted to die. I prayed to die. I thought of suicide lots of times. I don't even have a reason for still being here. It has taken a full 2 years to find some semblance of composure. And my life hasn't returned to 'the before.' It never will.
My message is pretty simple. Suffering is real, but so is healing. I was blindsided by a series of events that have devastated my life. They came one after the other during a 2 year period. I don't know if it even matters that I'm specific about them. All who suffer are remarkably similar, regardless of what caused their suffering. But the long wait through the darkness eventually led to the slightest flicker of light inside me. It still comes and goes, but it goes less often than it used to.
Elisabth Kubler-Ross wrote a timeless book identifying the 5 stages of grief. I read it. It helped a little. (I don't think I was in the right frame of mind) I was grieving many losses and could be found in a different stage of mourning for each one of those losses. It's important to note here that this process is not linear! You don't exit stage one of grief, never to return there. Oh no, even this morning I found myself thinking, 'Is this real? How did this become my life?' I've been through each phase multiple times. They tell me that's to be expected; that's how it works.
But I'm not hopeless anymore. 18 months since the last tragedy, I'm not always searching hopelessly backward for my 'real' life.
Maybe I'll write about hopelessness sometime. I never thought it would happen to me.
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