Spoiler alert, these emotions will come and go and come again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. You think it will never end. But one day it sort of dawns on you that you're not thinking as much about the past and you even allow yourself to glimpse the future. At first with one eye, half-squinted open; then the other. It's scary to look there. And you'll go back and forth a lot.
No, your life won't be the same, but it will go on. You didn't think it would, but it does. New ideas about how to live your life begin to crop up into your thinking; ways to make money, ways to express your creativity, people to reach out to, causes to champion. And, funny thing, new people will begin to enter your life. People you didn't see coming that have been brought to you for brand new reasons; people you would never have known before. It'll be different, but your life will have new purposes. Maybe more than ever before...You will still function, you'll just do it in a new way. It's an adjustment, but you will adjust. And when the people in your life want to help, you have to let them.
This has been really hard for me. I was the one who took care of others, not vice versa. But that particular attitude is a form of pride and I still struggle to let it go. I'm fiercely independent, but I do not have that luxury anymore. Yes, I have to depend on others for so many things now, but I'm still hard-headed and determined, so I do everything my weakening body will allow me to do.
Maybe your challenge isn't the same as mine. I don't know what you might be grieving. Is it the loss
of health and life as you knew it, like me? Or is it the loss of something else? Whatever you are facing, my dear friend, grieve. You must grieve. It's part of becoming strong again. I'd be lying to you if I said anything different. Read books about the phases of grieving. They're helpful. Get counseling. I thank God I finally did. (I should've done it sooner!)
But grieve with the knowledge that, while you will most definitely miss certain things, the pain of grieving will not last. I didn't know. I had no frame of reference. No one told me what to expect or about the importance of grieving or that I'd be ok with life again one day. I didn't know that I would regain my spiritual and emotional strength again. That's why it's important for me to tell you now.
Please remember. Where there's life, there's hope. xx Ann
