Stop Telling Me What to Do

I had plans last week.
I was headed to the beach (my refuge) for my paddle boarding lesson and I was totally stoked about it.

I was also scheduled to volunteer at the hospital, have my nails done and meet a friend for coffee.
Not all in one day, of course, but on Tuesday and Wednesday...

Instead, I barely left my bed. And I liked it.
My muscles decided they were calling the shots. And they didn't want me to go very far. My brain, or my spirit or whatever you want to call it, had tons of stuff in mind to do, but when it came down to doing them, my muscles said, "You aren't going anywhere."

And so I obeyed.
I had to. I'm never given a choice.
That's how it is when you go through 2 paralytic episodes in 2 days.

"Really? This is happening?!" I thought to myself.
"No, Ann! We aren't going there!" (I may argue with myself more than you realize) So, while I grappled with the idea of back-to-back attacks, I resigned myself to begin cancelling my week until I was back to baseline.

(Baseline~ starting point; measurement of my muscle strength before each episode of paralysis)

Hopefully I get to baseline. There seems to be some indication that I become weaker with each attack. I'm not fully buying it though.

I took it day by day. My quads and hams were talking loudly. "We're not cooperating today!"
Bullies.

So, I cancelled Tuesday, which was my first paddle boarding lesson with Giancarlo. He said it was really windy anyway.
I slept all day.  "Hey, you might feel stronger tomorrow! Don't cancel everything yet!" That's me talking.
Yeah. Not so much.

I cancelled my Wednesday, which was Physical Therapy. "Ah, I hate missing that. I need it so badly." (Still talking to myself)
But I left one thing on my calendar...a visit from a long time, dear friend. She was coming to the house and I didn't have to move a muscle if I didn't want to. I knew seeing her would be good for me.
I was right. She brought pink tulips. My favorites.

It's Thursday now. Check my schedule..."Nothing! Oh good!"
"You need to just lie down and sleep today!" I knew they were right.
I was really weak and I felt lousy. My muscles continued to scream louder. The middle of my back was spasming... It was tense and angry. I took the meds prescribed to me for intolerable pain. Between sleep, I stayed on the couch all day watching reruns of Blue Bloods. Thanks ion-Television!

When I laid down that night, I had a doctor's visit and physical therapy scheduled for Friday. My last thought was a prayer..."God, thank you for this day. Please help me get through tomorrow."

God has always heard my prayers. The moon was shining brightly through the Coconut Palms outside my window and I knew He heard me. I just knew He was there. I drifted off...peacefully.

Friday morning came early. I opened my eyes before dawn.
JimmyPage was still in his little bed sleeping beside me. I whispered his name. He stirred and looked up at me. "I can move," I thought. Yes, I could move freer and more easily than on Thursday. And I was not in pain.
"Thank you God," I said.
He smiled.

'Lord, lead me where You want me to go, I prayed.
"Today, I'm in charge of this body! And we're doing all the things I have planned!" I proclaimed out loud to the room. I made it to my doctor's appointment and to PT, where I kicked butt! Plus one more thing~lunch with my BFF Suzanne! I smiled all day!

I even wore my Superman t-shirt because I had been through a hellish week and rebounded, yet again, to fight another day! People don't get that when they see me, but that's ok. I know. People who know me get it. And God knows.

This is life with Periodic Paralysis. I do get tired of my muscles dictating to me. Perspective is key. Everything that was scheduled for last week, that I had to cancel, is now on my calendar for this week! And I can't wait!

Peace friends xx