That Padlock Might Be Telling You Something

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Recently I was discussing marriage with one of my best girlfriends when the subject of sexual intimacy came up. Our conversation grew a little timid since we aren't that used to going 'there.' But finally we got over our shyness and she blurted out, "There's a reason I keep it padlocked!" We both busted up laughing!!

She went on to explain that when they argue, her husband could say some pretty venomous stuff to her. Apparently nothing was off limits, including personal attacks, which cut into her deeply. Whoa!! Out-of-bounds. Illegal formation. Foul ball. Red card. Off-sides. Double-fault AND Face-plant with yard sale.......You are now DQ'd.

(I can hear the sharp click of that padlock being closed even now, ladies) We went on to talk about partners who use sex as a weapon against each other, you know, as punishment for bad behavior. It sounds terrible as an intentional practice, (and it IS a terrible idea) but what if it's simply the natural outcome of things because of lousy treatment by the other partner?! Logic would suggest that if a person, and I'm suggesting it's a woman this time, is treated with disrespect by her man, then her sexual desire for him will be....ZERO. Yes, zero!

So, what do I mean by disrespect? Any behavior that is degrading or belittles her or is unwanted by her is disrespectful....name-calling, sexual abuse, bullying, hitting, kicking, slapping, yelling, shoving and abandonment are obvious examples. But what about oppression? What about demanding to be 'right' all the time, with the underlying message that she is stupid? That's abusive. How about the silent treatment? That's oppression too. It's an attempt to control and manipulate her into doing whatever it is, YOUR way. See what I'm getting at here?

Now, I'm not sure there's a whole lot that can 'undo' this type of damage if it goes on for very long, so you might want to rein it in if you're guilty of this nonsense. And the next time you're wondering why your wife (and I'm using females because this is how we're wired) is padlocked-up, ask yourself how you've been treating her when you aren't in the bedroom! Because that is where sexual intimacy begins dear man, that is where it begins.
xx